Today was such a roller-coaster. After getting next to no sleep - which sadly was an improvement from no sleep at all the night before - I was up early to go serve with an inner city ministry along with some others here from school. Then after getting back, I had to finish some things that were due (one of which I forgot, but thankfully since it was only for discussion purposes, everything worked out), then went to my back-to-back classes. Choir finished super early, which was awesome, and then I did some course stuff with a girl from my programme and - at one point - our Chaplain. That's where things really started too get rough. Insecurities are those annoying things that just jump out at the worst times possible - thanks, of course, to the Devil. I mention that because sometimes it helps to say it, and to remember that he is real. I can't exactly explain why...it just does. Finally once we had to split due to other commitments, I had to take time away from studying (yet again) to go buy some food, and then once we got back I zoomed and ate at the speed of light while trying to get ready for Church. Which, I was of course not ready for when the people picking me up got here. For some reason having difficulty getting ready, and then not being all set to go when they got here...it was a big deal. Again, don't ask me why; I really don't know. But it just didn't stop there. The nerves took over and I was an embarrassment for most of the night. And, of course, people got concerned because the nervous wreck can't even hold a coherent conversation, and isolates herself at the back of the church. Now, that last part isn't abnormal - I always sit in that spot - it just looks worse when a small portion of the congregation shows up and they all sit on the opposite side, and at the front. It was such a struggle to get through service tonight, and the challenges only just seemed to calm down, which, was my reason for writing this tonight.
Last week during a conversation with someone at school, they suggested I look into being a young-adult volunteer for a youth gathering, and while I was very interested, I was cautious and unsure, and since I have no experience with any of these kinds of things - regardless of wanting it - I didn't dismiss it, but I didn't really not dismiss it either. Anyway, tonight when I was doing a grocery run with a friend, I brought it up to him when we were discussing a local youth conference we'd like to volunteer at (or if eligible, possibly attend). He is now considering it, too, and since he has a car, if we both did it, we'd save quite a bit of money by splitting the cost of gas instead of flying. Off topic. Somewhat.
ANYHOW, I was going through courses again - because my brain was in no place to study - and listening to the same song on repeat, when I went looking for something and came across the magazine again that had the information on it for the youth conference that isn't local. I figured I'd look at it since I was clearly getting nowhere with studying for tomorrow, and it just changed everything.
I don't know how He does it, but everything just always happens at the right time. His time.
I am so excited to apply to be a part of this event - even if I do have to spend the extra money and fly out there - and not having any experience in anything like this, or any idea of what I'm jumping into for that matter...none of it seems so scary anymore. And it's seeming to reflect - even though it is only a very little - on the straw the broke the camel's back (so to speak). Everything just feels okay right now. It feels good.
I'm exhausted, and frustrated with myself and my current predicament with regards to my exam tomorrow, but it would appear that I'm happy. And excited about the conference. There is absolutely no guarantee that I'll even be accepted, but surprisingly, that didn't bring it down. Everything's just...okay.
It's amazing how things happen sometimes - how God works. That's my God-sighting for today (to flash back to VBS terms ahah); how God works through what seems fairly insignificant, to help in amazingly beautiful ways, and truly make you feel loved. It was all set up, and I didn't even realize it.
This Father of ours is so wonderfully amazing. I don't understand how He got me through this day, or why He decided I was a good choice, but I'm certainly glad He dragged me forward today (and every day) no matter what, and that despite my lack of understanding, chose me.
Take a look at this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sgBWNgflAU
She is a church worker and musician that I met up here when she spoke at a workshop my professor held when she was in town for a church workers retreat. Jennifer is truly amazing, and I absolutely love this song. I was listen to the version from her album, but I just found that video on Youtube and it is beautiful. Definitely worth a listen - so honest, truthful, and (for me, at least) some overwhelmingly relatable. This is a topic I've been struggling with especially for a few months now, and she just says it so incredibly perfectly.
I'm off to try and retain some information from my text for my exam tomorrow.
God Bless <3 :)
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