Growing up is hard to do

You hear it so often, but it's only tonight, really, that it's hit me in this way.

I keep hearing how growing is a good thing; how growth is not only necessary, but positive.  But what about when it doesn't feel positive?  What about when it feels like all that's happening is being hit over the head while you are constantly failing and no longer able to do even half of what you've always done?  What about that.

I keep hearing about how growth is progress...except, it sure doesn't feel that way.  What about not being able to do everything you've always done is progress?  How is that positive, progressive, and good?

The only thing I can think of is that it's not about how we measure progress, just like it's not about how we measure success, time, and other things we think are ours to measure.  It's about how God measures; what He thinks, and what He wants.  It's so frustrating, though, because it's not like He's sharing any insight with me right now, even though I desperately wish He would.

I'm in an evangelism class right now, and my professor (who so happens to be a pastor at the church I am serving at currently) told us that evangelism is simply one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.
It's an interesting concept actually, and one I haven't been able to get out of my mind pretty much since he said it.  It reminds me of how in church work, we are really just broken people working to serve other broken people, and share the light and Good News of Christ with them.
As humans, we are this giant culture of broken, sinful people, trying to help, serve, share, and lead other sinful, broken people.

I once had someone talk to me about how if the only thing I knew was that I didn't know anything, that I was in a pretty good situation, because there wasn't anything else I could do but ask God to help me.
As I was remembering this just now, it hit me in a way it hasn't before...that actually is some wonderfully Good News, because if you're at the point where you know nothing...if you're at the bottom...the only place to look is up.  And if you know nothing, then your slate is brilliantly empty, and it gives the Good Lord alot of space to fill your thoughts with what He needs you to be thinking, and to make your knowledge completely full with Him.
That's pretty amazing news if you ask me.  She's a brilliantly wise lady.

It's funny how all of this relates back to growth and growing up...we never think things are going to go the way they go - until they actually do it.  There's this saying in psychology that says how hindsight is always 20/20.  When I think about certain things, I have those moments where I know exactly everything...but only after it's already happened.
How amazing it is that we have this all-knowing, infinite, incredible Father who knows everything, always.  How amazing it is that we can trust in Him and lean on Him - and what's even more amazing (and baffling) - to me, anyways - is that He wants us to.
So even though this process of growth is extremely difficult, and I don't quite understand it pretty much all of the time, it's about trust.  And because I am a sinful human I know I'll fail and falter in my trust, and doubt when I shouldn't, and all those other things that I don't mean to do but end up doing anyways.  But He's got me close, and He knows what's what.

And if that's something I can remember and hang on to - well, I guess growing isn't so bad...

Peace all!
Night :)